2014, what do you have to say for yourself so far??
A horribly cold winter, and all the stresses of hubby losing his job and scrambling to make major decisions?!
This is not how I wanted to start the year. But really, how is a "new year" supposed to start? Every year I hope that something good will happen to us, and we can better ourselves.. I could find a good job that works with my schedule for Brendan. Or we could move and I could watch more kids again. Or, we could have a thriving business that I am passionate about.
But alas, it's always something. God I wish I knew what I did to piss off the Karmic scales who are forever screwing us over in one way or another.
Sure, I complain, and I look at what we do have and we are lucky. But it just seems like everyone is getting ahead and we keep getting fk'd over. We have struggled for everything we have, and sometimes it's just not fair. Why oh why can't things just work out for us. Just once. Please.
I'm sitting here in tears typing this, I am just so lost and confused and don't know what to do or where to go or what to say. Thank God, no one know's about this blog minus a few that probably never come to my boring blog and I can just sit here and type out my frustrations.
Sorry, got a text, now I'm off my train of thought. I need to better myself. I need to make myself feel better. I need to lose some weight,cut my hair, do things for ME. Things never get done for me. EVER. It's always wait til next pay.. then next pay comes around and it's wait til next pay. This just makes things worse for me. I have no idea what I want anymore because it's always getting pushed back. Mind you, I HATE to spend money. Unless its on groceries or something the kids want/need. I really need to let go of this "problem" that I have with this. I need to learn to just take the money and go do it. But I feel oh so guilty.
Prime example. I went to the leather store with my Dad. He bought some boots for himself and wanted me to see them before he actually bought them. I found some cowgirl boots. ( I had a pair I bought myself when I was 16. I literally wore them to the ground. Literally. I had new soles put on them so many times, the guy was like you need to have a funeral for these.. I cannot repair them anymore. So, I had to put them to rest.) When I was in that store with my dad they had the EXACT same ones I had when I was 16. They only had the 1 pair. Try them on the sales guy says. I say I can't. Because I'll want them. He says to me "So? If they fit, you buy them. They're on clearance for a reason. If they fit you it's meant to be" I tried them on. They fit perfectly. It took me an hour to get out of the store with them. $400 boots for $100 . It was an amazing deal. Then why was I so upset?! I felt guilty. $100 could buy a lot of groceries. I cried all the way home. I wanted to return them. Jeff wouldn't let me. So, they sat in the box at the top of my stairs for months. I just couldn't open the box. Couldn't wear them. MONTHS! Finally, I pulled them out, and sprayed them with weather proofing. I've worn them a few times, and they're getting comfier.. but even still, telling you this story right now, makes me feel horrible for even buying them.
So, what do I do? How do I get un lost and become happy again ???
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