My Mom

On Tuesday October 23rd, my Mom (who is diabetic) had to have a mini surgical procedure to remove slivers of nail from either side of her big toe, to prevent ingrown nails. She's had ingrown nails for many many years, as did I. Mine would get so infected, I couldn't walk so I had the same procedure done like 12 yrs ago. Anyways, she had this done, went home, everything seemed fine. 2 days later she was allowed to go back to work. She went back. Then the next day she was in horrible pain. Her foot had swollen to like 5 times the normal size and she could hardly walk. I told her to go back to the place where she got it done. The lady said it was infected and gave her an RX for pills. The pills didn't work. I made her go to emerg on the Monday.So that's almost a week after the surgery was done. The pills didn't work because it was a "joint infection" and the other lady should have told her to go to the emerg in the first place. So my Mom was put on an IV med. She had to go everyday for a week to get this medication, then go to her family doctor to see if she needs more treatment. She did the week, went to our doctor on Tuesday the 6th of Nov. She said she needed more IV med. But it was only half the amount she got the previous week. So Mom thought it was a good thing and was getting better. 
  Wednesday(yesterday), my Mom is in tears. Her foot is in horrible pain all over again.. worse even. The lady that gives her the IV med is only a nurse, she don't even look at her foot or anything. They just give her the meds. So, I tried desperately last night at about 11 pm to get my mom to go back to the hospital. She wouldn't go until this morning. She's been there since 9 am , they gave her some pain meds and are in the process of giving her an ultra sound. 
 I stupidly Googled "Joint Infection Diabetic" and came across an article that said, that if this is not treated quickly enough, it could result in amputation. 
 *Sigh* WHY did I have to look?!  I'm so upset. If my mom loses her foot, she will forever be in a horrible depression .. it will take her entire livelihood away from her..she loves to be out and about. She LOVES to swim. I know, she can still do all this stuff, but I can totally see her burrowing away somewhere and never do anything again. She wouldn't want anyone to see her like that. 


I guess I'll update this when I know more.. Just had to get my thoughts out I guess..

*Sigh*

A friend of mine asked all of us about our friends. If we tend to lean more towards older people or younger..and it triggered something in me. And now I can't let it go. 
 I'm lost. Plain and simple. I'm not sure who I was or who I am, or who I want to be. This is rather upsetting to me. Although I'm not really sure why. 
I really want to do something with my life. I want to be able to move and provide better for my kids. My husband should not have all that burden. But, what do I want to do? Jeff keeps asking me this, and I honestly don't know. He says pick something you enjoy. Something you will thrive in, can move up and succeed. Have a stable job/career. 
 But nothing excites me anymore. When I was in school, I wanted to work in a lawyers office, or work with kids. I've had kids running around my house for 7 years. It's not something I want to continue. But it's safe. It's like I'm afraid to leave the house and go out into the big scary world. 

Do I regret not continuing my education before I had children? Yes. But would I change it if I could go back in time? I'm not sure. I may not have had the experiences I had if I did. I may not have ended up with the amazing children that I have today. 

These days, I look at job's, and think, could I do this? And I make myself think that I could. But you need schooling. And even then, there's no guarantees because many companies insist you have experience. They put it right in the ad. "Experience a must" or "if you don't have experience you must be able to volunteer your hours until you are experienced" WTF kind of shit is this. How do they expect people to gain experience if they won't hire them. 

Ahh.. I dunno.. 

Hallowe'en !

Well, it's that time of year again, where we as parents trudge out in the elements for our children to gather candy to make mommy even fatter! 
 Lauren wants to go with friends this year. Guess it's starting.. which I am surprisingly pretty OK with. As long as she follows the rules of course. Deep down I'm sad, but I know that I need to be able to let her do these things. I was never allowed to go anywhere or do anything at her age. I think that is partly why I got married so young. I NEEDED out of the clutches of no life. And I don't want that for my kids. I want them to be able to go out and enjoy their friends and make memories. 
 Brendan seems to be OK with just going with me tonight. I'm not sure if he feels left out or if he just don't care yet. He's such a laid back sensitive kid.. I hope he comes more out of his shell this new year. I try not to baby him, because I know he's so sensitive, and he needs to build up some balls so to speak, but I feel so bad for him when something happens, and he gets so upset, when really it's not even that major! Ahh well, time will tell I guess. 

Here's a pic of my 2 kids and all the munchkins I look after :) 

Happy Hallowe'en Everyone!

The Young and the Restless...

Ok, so, just a little blurb because I think it's so funny. I've watched this show for many many years.. like since I was a kid because my parents.. yes my mom AND dad both watched it. My dad used to record it on the BETA VCR...LOL when he had to work. 
 My question is... WTF does Nikki Newman do with all the engagement rings she's gotten over what... 30 ish years?!! Like holy shit! I'd be pawning those suckers off and buying a new wardrobe! She's been married to Victor how many times now.. then there's Jack...and Brad.. and that slimy guy when she was drunk like just last year.. who else?! I swear she's got millions in engagement rings and wedding bands! Jeez! 

School at 34 ?

So, I need to do something with my life. I should have done this years ago, should have waited to have kids, etc. That whole boat has left the dock I can't change it. But in all reality I NEED to find a career.
 The question is : What do I want to be when I grow up?? 

This answer isn't as simple as it sounds. I was just talking about this with some friends. My absolute passion is to have my own business. A cafe would be nice. It would have good coffees, teas and other drinks. Good sandwiches and desserts. Maybe soups. Nothing more though. A place where people can come and hang out. Check their email, catch up with old friends, and in the summer, listen to local bands on a small patio or if the place is big enough, a solo artist through the winter, in the front corner . It's all there in my head. I know exactly how I want everything to look and feel. But, this takes an obscene amount of money that we don't have.
 So, then I thought maybe I could buy a franchise. Like the one my mom works at. Perhaps some of you have a location near you. It's called Sharkey's Cuts for kids. But again, the money problem. A Sharkey's franchise has grown to a whopping $300,000 . Ya, like THAT'S gonna happen. 

Now I'm back at looking at school courses. Ones I can do from home, so I can still do the job I am doing. And are somewhat affordable. I've come back to this one certificate program several times. It's for a "Ward Clerk" . It's 8 courses. On averages $350 a course, plus books.   Which isn't too bad if I had extra money to throw at this. I would be able to get a job in a hospital or perhaps a doctors office, or health clinic.  According to payscale , I could make $30 -$55 k a year at this job in Ontario.
 They are always looking for Ward Clerks, and I am thinking there would be room for advancement if I so desired. Perhaps Ward Management or the likes of. It would be a secure job, with a pension and benefits if I got into the right place. With the large aging population these days, I think it might be a good place to start. They are going to need more and more people to operate in hospitals, nursing homes and doctor's offices. As well as clinic's and home care. This Certificate program would be a stepping stone to many possibilities.
 Or so I believe. But is this true? Are they going to need that many "clerks/secretaries" or when I finally finish this course, will there be many more people who have already jumped on the band wagon ahead of me because they had the financial backing that I don't have. 

*sigh*

Eat,Pray,Love

So, I watched Eat, Pray, Love the other night. You know, the one with Julia Roberts who goes to Italy to find herself? Ya, that one. Good movie. I totally get it. Too much now do we depend on our looks to be accepted. She showed us that it's ok to gorge on pasta and just be you. "buy bigger pants" she said.
 Praying gives you balance. Something I have yet to achieve. I cannot talk to someone I cannot see or understand. Maybe meditating would be better for me. This worked for Julia as well. I have the love part down pat. I love my family, my friends and even aquaintences. I think that is part of my problem as a whole. I care TOO much .... perhaps I need to start being a bitch...

Forgive me oh followers for i have not posted in a while. ..

 I sit here listening to a new friend so upset about a broken friendship, in hopes that I can help out. Alas, what am I to do? I cannot make someone just forgive and forget. I wish I could.
 I guess sometimes you just need to move on from these things and hope that you come back together and pick up right where you left off.  I myself am in a similar situation and it sucks. But what can I do? Things would be awkward, and I think that is the same way this other situation is looking like.

 On a higher note, the HSR is hiring. I hope Jeff can snag an interview, and get out of the big heavy lifting job he has currently. It would be at least one thing heading in the right direction..

 So, the followers thing, yup.. one follower.. thanks dawn for ur support! You probably don't even read this either.. :P

 Bachelorette is coming on.. have to see what dimwit  Miss Ashley doesn't get rid of tonite!